Sunday, January 15, 2012


I've realized that I am afraid to be blessed.

Once, when I was a young teen, I told my mom that something awful was going to happen to me, because God had blessed me so much.  She was appalled at this notion- didn't I know that God doesn't give us blessings to make up for awful things that will happen later?

I've been married 8 years.  I spent nearly 6 of those years convinced that my husband was going to die, and I'd be a widow, or that I would die, and he'd need to re-marry, and my children would forget all about me.  Because, really, who gets blessed enough to have a husband and kids as great as mine?

When I started home schooling Ernie, I had a terrible, glum feeling- it was too good, it couldn't last.  When people asked if I was planning on home schooling long-term, I'd say I didn't know.  Because, really, who gets blessed enough to be able to teach their brilliant daughter, at home?

My husband was hired to do some Excel work for a former client this past week- he did a good job, and on a whim the client pulled him aside to interview him for an open position they had.

They offered.  If we decide we like the offer, on Tuesday we could be employed.  So why do I have this terrible feeling that it can't be real?  Consider this post as me batting away that old notion that we can't be blessed THAT much.  Because we are, and God is so good.



Aminat said...

You are absolutely right Myrnie, I used to be like that too, I would be afraid when any good thing happen to me and always prepare for the worse.But which of the favours of my God will I deny?

J. said...

So we must be breathing the same air or something because I just posted something similar. It's like holding in breath--this living a fear of what will come--I've got to learn to exhale and enjoy life instead of fear it. I'm so with you on this one. Good luck to us both :).

Anonymous said...

I think we all think that way sometimes, but good things DO happen and there is nothing wrong with enjoying the blessings you have while you have them. I'm hoping Tuesday brings more blessings your way. :)

Ticia said...

Isn't it funny how we think things like that?

What I Did Today said...

I've had some of these same thoughts. I think it must be totally normal. But from what I can see you have a lot that you enjoy on a daily basis and that's the best thing. It's not fun, walking around, waiting for does that saying go?...waiting for the ball to drop? Or is it the other shoe? Hahahaha! Congrats on the new employment opportunity!

Alexandra said...

Oh, i do this too. I found the only way to curb my fears is to focus on this day, or this moment, and think about the blessing, but don't jump ahead to the next day....savoring the blessing in the moment because today is the only thing that is real - tomorrow is in our imagination.

Aunt LoLo said...

Congrats on the Too Much Good. ;-)
Don't's all to make up for putting up with having half of your brain running around in someone else's body. ;-)